The Origin of Dr. Woofers

Well, since this blog is named after Dr. Woofers, it only seems right that the first story posted should be the origin of the doggy doctor whom we've all come to know and love. So below is how the running joke of Dr. Woofers came about.

My room mate recently had a class called 'Health Care Systems and Problems'. He quickly realized that one of the problems with the health care system was the class itself. The professor was an older hippie type guy, who was looking to expose young collegiate minds to "alternative treatments" and "thinking outside the box". Just like indie kids only love bands nobody's heard of, so too do hippies only like medicine that no hospital uses. They're all about some herbal remedies for cancer and heated stones to relive arthritis pain. Now, there's nothing wrong with that sort of thing, except when the course is supposed to be about problems with things like HMO's and swine flu vaccines. You know, real problems.

A health care reform he could get behind.

Now, luckily (or unluckily depending on how you look at it) this was a once a week class. That meant that for three hours in a row, every Monday, this professor would spout nonsense and ramble on about keeping a balanced approach to health care. I had a similarly mush-minded professor for a Civil War history course that same night, so we would each come home and repeat the latest ridiculous rants that our respective professors had spouted in the throes of their advanced Alzheimer's-based dementia.

One night, my room mate came home with a particularly ridiculous story to tell. That night, the professor asked the class to give examples of health care providers. My room mate and an actual health care professional who is also in the class began listing off things like "Physicians, surgeons, nurses, paramedics, dentists, pharmacists, etc." and the professor was like "Nope. Nope. No. Keep thinking."

Now you're probably thinking, "What on earth could this crack pot professor be looking for if doctors and nurses aren't in the answer category?" Finally, some random student pipes up hesitantly with "Midwives?". And the professor is like "Yes! Excellent example!". My room mate is naturally perplexed by this answer, as should anybody even remotely aware of what being a "health care provider" details. But it doesn't stop there.

Throwing away centuries of accumulated medical
knowledge pertaining to the dangers of childbirth.

The professor says, "What about chiropractors and physical therapists?" I know what you're thinking. You're probably thinking that those actually kind of make sense. Don't worry, the professor quickly veers back into the oncoming traffic lane after his brief venture into normalcy.

He continues with "What about special education teachers? What about camp counselors for at summer camps for terminally ill children? What about those dogs they bring into hospitals to cheer people up? What about comedians? We can't forget the healing power of laughter."

Don't worry darling, Dr. Chappelle is on his way.

My room mate replies with, "So are you billing me for this right now? Because this class is a joke." The professor doesn't think it's very funny. This professor seriously rates dogs higher than doctors in the hierarchy of health care providers. From this night onward, this professor was known as Puppy Doctor, and the legend of Dr. Woofers was born.

You might walk around in your fancy 'people clothes',
driving your 'people cars', but you'll never be half
the health care provider that Dr. Woofers is!

Can you imagine the situation at the hospital? Nurses are running everywhere with squeaky toys looking for Dr. Woofers as the intercom blares "Paging Dr. Woofers. Paging Doctor Woofers. You're needed in the O.R." It'd be like that car commercial where the owners drive all the way around town looking for their dog, only to have it bolt off again once they finally locate it digging up some poor innocent person's flower patch.

The chief of medicine glares at some resident and asks, "How could you let this happen? I told you not to leave the door to his office open after you took him for his afternoon walk!" The young doctor stammers back, "But I've looked everywhere. The park, the waiting room, his office, but mostly just the park. Dr. Woofers is nowhere to be found." Exasperated, the chief of medicine walks away muttering, "God help us if he's off chasing a squirrel; there's no telling when he'd be back."

Dr. Kelso! Look! I found him!

And from those humble origins, Dr. Woofers had gone on to be one of the best running jokes we have. We live right across from the hospital so we often see people in scrubs walking their dogs, and make jokes about what that particular terrier is doing his residency in. We'll see a dog sitting in the front seat of a car in a parking lot and joke about how hard it is for him to keep his driver's license, what with always veering off the road to chase squirrels. When it came time to get a new calendar, naturally we chose one with puppies, and the proceeded to create medical profession related costumes for all the puppies. We even see Dr. Woofers in the video games we play.

Dr. Woofers stretching his neck out before operating.