Paul Rudd Shouldn't Play Leads

If you've watched any of the most popular comedic movies produced in the past decade or so, you've probably seen one with Paul Rudd in it. And you've probably laughed. A lot. Because he's funny. He's not only funny and he's also pretty good looking, two things that don't always go together.

Suck it Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill.

Probably the best thing about Paul Rudd is that he plays Paul Rudd in every movie. Some people can get away with it, because it's awesome. Just like Tracy Morgan and Tina Fey play themselves on the constant Emmy winning "30 Rock", Paul Rudd keeps it real, staying true to himself. His "acting" is about as much of a stretch as Snoop Dogg playing a drug aficionado, pimp, or rapper in...well, every time he's ever been on screen.

Were you expecting Shakespeare?

My room mate and I, along with a few friends, have stumbled upon a shocking truth. We call it the "Rudd Corollary". I don't know if you're aware of this fact or not, but Paul Rudd is not funny as a leading actor. He's pretty damn funny when he's in the supporting cast, but once he gets more than 23 percent of screen time he just magically becomes less funny.

Let's just start off with the facts.

Most people first met Paul Rudd in his break out role in Clueless. He plays the older step brother who was initially a dick to (and then we assume later put his dick to) Alicia Silverstone. Now, that movie might not have beat Apollo 13 (97% on Rotten Tomatoes) out for Oscar nominations, but it's 83% certainly doesn't lump it in the same category as another film released that same year.

I'm looking at you Stallone. 15%

Sure, he had a sitcom that was canceled out from under him after like three weeks, but not even Wikipedia knows anything about this alleged "Wild Oats". Fact is, it was canceled before it even ran a month. As one of the two male leads, I can guarantee that he had more than 23% screen time. But, by doing some research I found out that every other actor connected with the show was doomed to toil in obscurity. The second most successful one is the voice of Chuckie from "Rugrats". Let that sink in.

Rudd is the only one who escaped.

After a few more years of minor roles and TV bits, Rudd managed to become part of the ensemble cast in what turned out to be a "Who's Who" of comedians: Wet Hot American Summer. In a performance rated the 4th Most Irreplaceable Performance in Comedy Films by cracked.com, Rudd "attacks every scene of this movie with the soul-crushing apathy of a hitchhiker handjob". And he is hilarious. Nearly every line out of his mouth makes you chuckle. Every time you see him in the background, he's funny.

Moving forward.

He had a recurring role on "Friends". A show that was pretty much hot shit back in the day. It had Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox, and four other people. Guest stars included Tom Selleck, Reese Witherspoon, Bruce Willis and Alec Baldwin. He might not have stolen the show, but he was good enough to be kept around for eighteen full episodes. Never getting more than 23% of the screen time.

Boom!

2004 hits, and Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy drops, and proceeds to blow the collective mind of teenagers and college kids everywhere. Perhaps one of the most quotable movies ever, Anchorman had Rudd's mustachioed performance as Brian Fantana. And we loved him for it.

"60% of the time, it works every time."

Boom!

2005 comes around, and The 40 Year Old Virgin hits screens, bringing further hilarity to the 13-30 age movie goer demographic. Rudd's turn as the pathetic yet humorous David certainly made us giggle a fair amount. He was funny. He was wry. He was only on screen for about 20% of the movie.

"You know how I know you're gay?"

After a year of doing bit parts in movies and TV cameos, Rudd brings it back in 2007's Knocked Up, where he plays the occasionally disgruntled family man to Seth Rogen's loser stoner. The way he plays off Leslie Mann's shrewish, neurotic character is classic Rudd. Indifferent yet quirky. Sneaking off to play fantasy baseball, or watch a movie by himself.

He's a perfect sarcastic, laconic father.

And that's where it starts to go downhill. The 23% screen time limit that defines the Rudd Corollary is derived from Knocked Up. That is as close as he can get to being on-screen and simultaneously funny.

His role as a laid back surf instructor who was inexplicably unhelpful to Jason Segel's stressed out character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall still got him some laughs, largely because he was only on-screen for about 10 total minutes. The best example was his line to Russel Brand's character: "You sound like you're from London" complete with strange face and terrible accent.

Having a terrible accent makes it classic, right?

Co-starring in 2008's Role Models with Stiffler is tough to call unfunny. Because the movie is damn funny. The only problem is that Paul Rudd isn't. The cast is great. Especially McLovin, Jane Lynch and especially the black kid who loves boobies.

"If you white, then you Ben Affleck."

Unfortunately, the only time Rudd makes me laugh independent of the other cast members is when he says that he rocks and rolls every night, and part of every day because he normally has errands to run, and after Jane Lynch calls him and Stiffler Mr. Bullshit and Dr. Full-of-shit and he wants to know which of them has the Ph.D.

If you're not smarter than him, just give up.

Securing his downward spiral as a leading man, Rudd starred in the flop that was 2008's Over Her Dead Body, which got a 14% approval rating. I won't even dignify it with a picture or a plot summary.

2009 brought us I Love You Man, a huge let down from Paul Rudd and Jason Segel, two men who I thought were pretty funny. Let's put it this way: when I look back at IMDB's quotes from the movie, there aren't any from Rudd that make me laugh besides his awkward muttering of things like "Joben" or "menjay". It got decent marks, but was still not a winner for Paul. He was definitely side-lined in his own movie.

Sadly, Paul didn't learn from that mistake, and signed on for what could essentially be called a spin off of The 40 Year Old Virgin: Dinner for Schmucks. Steve Carell has weird hobbies and annoys Paul Rudd. Just subtract a lot of laughs and the hotness that is Elizabeth Banks. And I'm not the only one who thinks it was bad. Rotten Tomatoes gave it 43%.

And half of that was Zach Galifianakis.

And that brings us up to his most recent leading man role: How Do You Know. This time he doesn't even bother to try and make a good movie. Chick flicks or any film that involves living your life are inherently not the type of movie that a sarcastic, indifferent guy should be in. I like Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson and Jack Nicholson, but this movie can go eat shit and die.

You know how normal movies include all their funniest parts in the preview, so you go see it and are subsequently disappointed? Well, the only two bits that I laughed at involved Owen Wilson. So far the critics have been kind to it and let it off easy with a 35% rating. It was produced for 120 million, but hasn't even made a fourth of that in the box office. Somebody needs to put it out of it's misery.

Owen is wondering why Paul even considered that movie.

Seriously though! What the fuck Paul Rudd? I hope that you, or your agent, or somebody sees this post (but doesn't sue me or something) and gets back to what makes Paul Rudd great. And that is being Paul Rudd. And being on-screen for 23% or less of the total film. Science like this isn't just for nerds.

Okay, yeah. I guess it is...